Strap-On Dildo Guide: Harnesses, Sizing & Everything In Between

Strap-ons might sound complicated at first glance — there's a harness involved, after all — but once you understand how they work, they're genuinely one of the most versatile and inclusive sex toys out there. Whether you're curious about pegging, partnered play between women, or just want to understand the mechanics, this guide has you covered.

So, What Is a Strap-On?

A strap-on dildo is exactly what it sounds like: a dildo worn in a harness, used to penetrate a partner. The harness goes around the hips (or sometimes the thigh, face, or hand — there are variations), and the dildo slots into or attaches to it. The wearer then has hands-free penetrative control.

It's worth noting that strap-ons have a long history. Depictions of their use appear in lithographs and erotic art going back centuries. They've never been limited to one kind of relationship or body type — and that remains true today.

Who Uses Strap-Ons?

Everyone, really. Strap-ons are used by:

• Women penetrating male partners (often called pegging)
• Women penetrating women
• Trans and non-binary people as part of affirming sexual expression
• Anyone who enjoys a different power dynamic or wants to give their partner a specific kind of stimulation

The point is: strap-ons aren't niche. They're just not talked about as openly as they should be.

Choosing a Harness

The harness is arguably more important than the dildo itself, because fit determines everything.

One-strap (G-string style): A single strap goes between the buttocks. Tends to fit more snugly and can allow the wearer more indirect stimulation.

Two-strap (jockstrap style): Two straps go around each buttock separately. Generally more stable and easier to adjust, making it a popular choice for beginners.

Look for harnesses made from leather (durable, moldable over time), nylon (easy to wash), or neoprene (flexible and comfortable). Make sure the O-ring — the circular opening that holds the dildo — is the right diameter for the dildo you're pairing it with. Many harnesses come with interchangeable O-rings for this reason.

Choosing the Dildo

Not every dildo works with every harness — you need one with a flared base that sits flush against the O-ring. Beyond that, the same material rules apply as for any dildo: silicone, glass, and body-safe metals are your best options. (Our full dildo guide goes into material safety in detail if you want the breakdown.)

For first-timers, a smaller, smooth silicone dildo is a sensible starting point. You can always size up once you know what works.

Lubrication Is Non-Negotiable

Unlike the vagina, the anus produces no natural lubrication. Even for vaginal use, lube makes everything more comfortable and pleasurable. Use a generous amount, and reapply as needed. Remember: water-based lube with silicone toys, not silicone-based.

Pelvic Floor Connection

Here's something worth knowing: the strength and awareness of the pelvic floor affects the experience for the receiving partner, not just the wearing one. A well-toned pelvic floor can increase sensation and comfort during penetration. Our kegel exercises guide explains how to get there.

Cleaning Your Strap-On

Clean the dildo after every use using the method appropriate for its material (see the dildo guide). For the harness: nylon and neoprene can usually be machine washed; leather should be wiped clean with a damp cloth and conditioned occasionally. Never submerge leather in water.

The Short Version

Strap-ons are for anyone who wants them. Get a well-fitted harness, choose a body-safe dildo with a flared base, use plenty of lube, and communicate clearly with your partner. The rest is just practice.