Why Does Sex Hurt? Common Causes

If sex has started to hurt, you're not alone — and you're not stuck.

Pain during sex is one of the most common experiences women report, and one of the least talked about. Most women suffer in silence for months or even years before they mention it to anyone. Some never do.

That stops here.

First, know this: pain during sex is a symptom, not a sentence.

It's your body communicating that something has changed and needs attention. That's actually useful information — if you know what to do with it. This is a core pillar of Sexual Wellness 101.

The most common reasons sex hurts

• Lack of lubrication: This is the number one culprit and the most fixable. Natural lubrication decreases with age, stress, and hormonal changes. A good quality lubricant can change everything, sometimes immediately.
• Hormonal changes: Estrogen plays a big role in keeping tissue healthy. As estrogen drops—during perimenopause or menopause—tissue can become thinner. This is often a major factor in menopause and your sex drive.
• Vaginismus: This is an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles. It responds well to treatment—this is not permanent.
• Related shifts in desire: Often, when sex becomes physically uncomfortable, we naturally start to avoid it. If you are experiencing low libido alongside pain, know that addressing the physical discomfort is usually the first step to bringing desire back.

What you can do right now

1. Start with lubrication. A high-quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant is the single most accessible first step.
2. Talk to your doctor. Pain during sex deserves a conversation. If you aren't sure how to bring it up, check out our guide on how to talk to your doctor about sexual health.
3. Give yourself permission to slow down. Rushing past discomfort doesn't fix it. Your comfort matters.

You deserve to feel good. Sexual wellness is part of your overall health. Pain is not something to push through indefinitely—it's something to address.